Sidekicks: The Movie

This isn’t necessarily a new concept, but it’s one that in these two cases seem to be especially confusing choices.

This Friday will see the release of what I can only assume will be a crappy movie based on characters that were only ever tolerable in the original films because of their minimum amount of screen time.

I speak of The Penguins of Madagascar.

My favorite part about this trailer is that the summarize the problem with this being a film at all within the first 15 seconds.

“Remember those guys that were slightly less awkward comedy relief than the monkey that Borat played? Well they have a movie!!!”

To be fair, the Madagascar movies are all pretty terrible, almost Doogal terrible, which means that it won’t be a far stretch from pure garbage, thus making a spinoff of more garbage.

Let’s take a scroll back to that trailer now. The plot is that these penguins are sort of secret agents. Some other cold-weather animals find them and are inexplicably part of an animal-centric spy organization, which goes completely against the trilogy idea that these are just animals in a human world. Right, so these are super spy animals that go on spy missions and I guess the penguins have to spy and stuff with them.

This film looks like a train wreck, but I think it’s safe to say it will end up making bank though, for a single reason:

More confusing decisions!

Next up is a film that is literally the exact same concept, but these guys can’t actually talk. I’ll give you a hint, they look like giant yellow suppositories.

That’s right. The weird tiny yellow butt-pills from Despicable Me (and me too!) are getting their own movie! This film could fail for several reasons, but I’m pretty sure a pretty major reason is because these guys don’t actually talk. At all. It’s all just jibberish, which is only funny in small doses.

Let’s rip through this trailer for a moment, the biggest plot hole comes from the narrator himself.

They all share the same goal. to serve the most despicable master around.

This is the core concept for this movie, which I can only assume will ONLY consist of random historical characters being “helped” by the minions with no actual narrative going on aside from the arbitrary quest for finding an evil master or something. Sort of like how that Steve Jobs/Ashton Kutcher film was just a series of scenes that weren’t connected.

Let’s go back to that little quote. These are apparently immortal beings from the dawn of time, looking for a despicably evil master, so they umm… eventually find Gru.

Gru is the main character from the first two Despicable Me films. He is supposed to be a super villain who ends up being charming and in now way evil. According to this trailer, wouldn’t that mean that the minions should leave Gru once they realize he isn’t evil/despicable? I mean he’s not. He’s a sweetheart. Come on.

Future sidekick films!

Here’s my bet for what’s coming next. A feature-length Toy Story with the aliens!! Remember them?? They were so neat. The claw. Classic.